Guess Who is Back?!

I just had to do it.  I had to get back to blogging.  I took a break because I really needed time to process through everything our family was going through.  This has been a huge, life changing decision.  The "newness" of everything has worn off and this has become LIFE.  Our first born child to us, Joseph, was born in August.  Our adjusting family had a whole new set of adjustments.  Life is good, but challenging for sure.

One of the biggest decisions we made as a family this year was for me to not return to my job as a full time family therapist.  This was a hard choice.  The additional income was amazing and for the most part, I really loved my job.  However- childcare for 4 children is not cheap!  Once the kids were adopted last November, we lost the funding that the state had been giving us to pay for childcare.  So not only would I have to leave my newborn to go back to work, but I would be making about $2 an hour.  Not worth it! 

We have been blessed abundantly in so many ways financially- including me being employed by my church to work part time and being able to continue to coach tennis.  We have very generous families that help out a lot, and my husband is doing awesome at his job.  God is good.

I plan to blog a lot about my transition from full time working mom to mostly stay at home mom.  I have been learning a lot about myself and who God has created me to be in this transition. 

Anyways, this is just an intro to me getting back into the swing of things!  I hope someone cares!

Choosing to be Pro-Life

About 10 years ago, a young woman became pregnant. She sought the advice from a man she respected in the church. She was considering not going through with the pregnancy, due to the circumstances of how she became with child. The pastor suggested she go speak to a woman at a Pregnancy Crisis Center. There are many of these across the country- offering free advice, services and support for women with unplanned pregnancies. Some are even able to show the woman the baby's heartbeat- showing that there is a living, beating being in their womb.

That woman decided to keep her child. And through 2 more unexpected pregnancies- she decided to choose life again.

What happened over the next few years is not pleasant, there were a lot of mistakes made, a lot of ups and downs- certainly not the easiest life for the family of 4.

What if that woman would have chosen to "terminate" ---ahhh i hate that word--- the pregnancies? What if she would have not chosen life?

I can write this blog with full confidence that if those choices were different, we would not have our 3 vibrant, unique and crazy children. We would not have our special family. The world would be deprived of 3 AMAZING creations. It's almost hard to type without getting a deep sorrow considering the alternative outcome.

Now life has not been all princesses and butterflies because of these choices... certainly not for the biological mother, the kids, or the newlywed couple thrown into parenthood.

But 3 children have LIFE and have the opportunity to know life ABUNDANTLY through Christ because of the decision made 10 years ago.

We are eternally grateful to the mom that chose life, the pastor who advised her, and the woman at the pregnancy center.

Watch out world, because these 3 little lives are going to move and shake this place! The world would NOT be the same without them in it.

Unexpected Feedback...

One thing I did not expect when we decided to take the foster-adopt journey was how many people (who have never taken this journey) have felt compelled to tell me specifically what my kid's problem behaviors are, why they probably act like they do, how we should be handling them, etc.

The first thing that always comes to my mind is self doubt on my parenting- I feel like everyone sees these things and thinks our family is out of control! I feel like I am not doing a good job. I feel like giving up.

Then I start to think of how that person is not in my shoes. They most likely have had natural kids and have had time to nurture their child, hone their parenting skills and bring them up accordingly. They are not having therapists come in twice a month to meet with their children and give them evidenced based, credible parenting advice for children like ours.

They most likely are expecting our children to behave like theirs.

And that is just not going to happen! At least no time soon. Brad and I were just talking the other day about how it has been 6 months since the kids moved in. We have seen SO much progress with the kids....yet we still have so many worries and concerns for things they are still processing and adjusting to. Then there is us- We are still adjusting and processing!!! I feel like the recovery mentality of "one day at a time" is our motto! There have been so many times when I know I have not made the best decisions in handling things.

To our advantage, we serve a GREAT God who gives us his GRACE to cover all of the areas that we fail in. So thankful for that!! We truly are a work in progress, just like every other family out there.... so please- go easy on us! I promise I will never tell you how to parent your child- unless you are on my caseload and I am being paid to do it!

We bought a Zoo

We started a new family tradition on New Years Day. (blogs on our first Christmas together and Christmas break to come...)

We went to the movies! Growing up, we had family movie day sometimes on Christmas night or on Thanksgiving night and I remember it always being the BEST because my dad would splurge for the popcorn, special topping, pop, candy and all! I knew this would be special for our kids because the few times we have gone to the movies I have been "that mom" that packs the snacks and waters. I know- LAME MOM!

Anyways, we decided on We Bought a Zoo because it looked like it was going to be good for Brad and I and the kids LOVE the zoo and love animals.

So as we are sitting through the movie, I begin to realize- this is a metaphor for our life! We bought a zoo! We did something crazy when the world was saying no. We took on a challenge that not everyone was excited about, and was not easy- sometimes the hardest at times. We took on a challenge that will require constant learning, adapting, adjusting and passion. We bought a zoo!

My favorite quote from the movie was:

All it takes is 20 seconds of insane courage and great things will happen!

This reminds me of when I made the call to CYS to tell them that, yes, we will adopt the kids. I remember it was such a short phone call and at the end.... it didn't feel real or official yet... but my call had made me a mom.

Our zoo for sure is crazy, broken, fun, silly, tiring, frustrating, loving... but it is our zoo... and we wouldn't change a thing!

Our God is Greater

When Brad and I first started talking about the idea of fostering-adopt the 3 kids, we were still not even engaged! It was something that he brought up first, and I thought he was crazy. The more we thought about it, prayed about it, and spent time with the kids- the more our hearts felt pulled that direction.
Our hearts were telling us one thing, but the world was telling us another. When consulting with others and sometimes just getting caught up in what if's we would hear:
"don't you need a ring first before you decide to adopt kids..." (which i agreed with)
"you need your honeymoon time" "You don't know how to be parents..."
"you are acting out of emotion" "It would be too stressful" "The kids have too many issues"
"kids cost too much money" "you don't even have an appropriate house for them..."
"you can't save the world..." " their biological families are too crazy"
So then came along the awesome day that we got engaged. Without taking away from the exciting time that was, we both knew- we needed to make a decision about the kids.
I knew in my heart what I wanted to do, but it was all so unknown and scary and above all- I wanted my husband to be to make the final decision.
So we decided to not adopt. We emailed friends and family and told them our decision. We got emails back saying it was the right decision. Everyone seemed relieved.

Except us. The week that followed was the worst of our lives. We just could not imagine these 3 little ones with any other family than us. We knew that they were meant to be our forever family.
So after praying more- we both knew that these kids were to be ours! We then spread the word to friends and family... it then looked like we were even more crazy.
To this day we still have people that aren't 100% supportive of our decision, but to me-

I see E's smile when he saw me come and surprise him at his school party.

I see N's bright eyes begging for one more song before bed.

I see L with all of his new cousins at Brad's family Christmas party, looking so content and at peace.

And I KNOW all is right.

One of the songs that inspired me during this decision time and still does is Chris Tomlin's Our God is Greater..... "and if our God is for us, than who can ever stop us, and if our God is for us- than what can stand against us." These Bible inspired lyrics remind me that God's plan's our MUCH greater than our own.

In 2 days we will have our first Christmas all together. I bet God will bring us moments that will confirm our decision again!

Blessings.

Who do you sleep with?

We have created some "rituals" in our family for bedtime. There is the obvious get your jam jams on, brush your teeth, go to bed routine- all of which it seems no matter how many times we repeat the instructions during this time- nobody follows them! It is always - can't we stay up just a little longer! Or someone all of the sudden comes down with a condition that requires mom's attention in the living room- nowhere close to the bedrooms.

Once the routine is done, it's time to get in bed. Usually it is prayers with mommy and daddy, a back scratch and a song. Sometimes it involves a creative story from daddy or a recap of the days "roses and thorns". Then always followed with a kiss goodnight and an I love you.

I remember when the 3 little kiddos moved in with my parents (my parents were their first foster placement). Bedtime was not fun. Bedtime seemed to bring back troubling memories or trigger something for them. How far they have come....

Yet they all have their "Thing" to sleep with. For my stubborn mighty man- it is usually the wish that the dog will stay cuddled up next to him. If he gets his wish, his thumb is in his mouth and he is asleep in seconds. For my wise leader man, it is usually a flashlight and a good book.

Then there is the wildflower girl. She is a different story. She usually has about 20 toys in bed with her- all tucked into some kind of cover. They all need sung to and prayed with. The girl sure does like her company in bed!!

Tonight it was her own makeshift nativity set in bed with her- a fabric stable, a plastic sheep, a dog ornament, a fairy doll, and a plastic cow- all under the stable, tucked under the covers

We sang Silent Night together to her friends as she fell drifted into her dream.

What 3 little sleeping angels we are blessed with...I know parents say they grow up so fast- and we didn't even get their first years with them- so I have to remember to cherish these nights!

I just had to do it!!

For those of you who know me, you know that I have blogged in the past. I have been wanting to start this blog up for awhile now- but honestly, I debated over how to do it appropriately. I want to protect our kids and anyone that may stumble upon this blog. Until our adoption is final, I am going to refrain from using names and posting pictures. I hope the blog is still interesting! Because with our kids, the pictures truly do tell their story! :)

Anyways- I just have a lot of thoughts on the foster-adoption process, getting married, being a newlywed, transitioning into parenthood, pop culture and life in general!